In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
