Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
