I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
