my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
