Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
