if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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