sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
