Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
