It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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