It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
