Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
