Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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