he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
only you would photoshop your dick
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
