they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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