I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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