There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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