Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
