i barfeds in our rink
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
