your room smells of hookers.
And success
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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