Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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