ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you never un-have a 4some
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
