i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
