i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
