There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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