do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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