Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
