sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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