So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
