when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
