can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
and you fell through a lawn chair
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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