Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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