i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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