Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
