My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
