He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
