I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize