I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
