I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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