I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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