he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
