If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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