my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
