Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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