i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
