apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think i have two assholes
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This baby is an asshole
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
