Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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