Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
