Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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