apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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