So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
