I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
