I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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