my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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