haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
