you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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