I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
