I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
high people should be assigned attendants
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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