Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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