I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
