Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
