I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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