Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just invented taco cereal.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How naked do you want me to be?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
