yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
