just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
