I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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