I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my phone needs a breathalizer
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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