Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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