dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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