Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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