What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
