Me. At least after what I've been through.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
