how can u be prego again
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
