apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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