Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
