Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
