I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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