Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
