Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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