get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
