a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
