At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
