So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
