so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
