i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
