I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
