Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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