If that was your dad, he is hot
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
