ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
