You just made me feel so damn special
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
