we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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