Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So vagazzling was a success
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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