my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
