In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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