May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
are you so shy because you have an std?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
