Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
