watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
