we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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