Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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