Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
