I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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