He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize